Frequently Asked

Sexual boredom often comes about because we initiate it ourselves. Lovemaking becomes a routine when the same patterns are acted out again and again. What can we do to take the boredom out of our sex life? There are countless different ways to express love and intimacy and some of those ways involve deep forethought and a desire to make your partner enjoy the sexual experience even more. Deciding to create a more exciting sex life is the first step, and let your imagination be the second. Talk to your partner; share ideas on new things to try; new positions, Find out what you like and what you don't like. Talk to your partner during the sexual experience. Tell your partner how you would like him/her to touch you. Be expressive....say where how to touch you and tell him/her how it feels. Do the same yourself. Concentrate on pleasing the person you're with, you would be surprised how much fun you can have. See the book "How to Talk Sexy to your Lover" by Barbara Keesling.

One or both begin to get overly posessive or lackadaisical. Scolding, constantly correcting and exerting control over your partner is a sure way to run a healthy relationship in the ground, and ruin your sex life. If you find yourself in this situation, take time to remember the wonderful qualities you found in each other that led to your marriage. Be realistic in knowing you are both competent adults and make a commitment to treat each other as such. It can go a long way in rebuilding the intimacy you once shared.

The only way to tackle this to to have open and frank communication about the subject. Your partner may have some long-standing inhibitions toward oral sex. For example, some have the idea that oral sex is dirty, or they have a fear of gagging, fear of ejaculation, or perhaps performance anxiety. Once these fears have been descussed, concentrate on pointing out the positives of the act and how much more interesting it could make the sexual experience.

The "G-Spot" was named after Ernest Gragenburg, the German obstetrician and gynecologist who first described it as the "zone of erogenous feeling" in 1944. It is found in the (front) anterior wall of the vagina, and with vigorous stimulation, can lead to sexual arousal. The area swells and produces orgasm as well as a release of vaginal fluid. Many women express great pleasure in having this as a component of their orgasm.

This is one of the most common sexual issues for men, but fortunately, it's one of the easier ones to deal with, especially with a sensitive partner. Keep in mind ejaculatory control can be learned, and this process is similar to the way one learns to control urination early in life. The approach I recommend to develop control of ejaculation is based on a technique originally developed by Dr. James Semans. This method involves stopping sexual stimulation at the first sign of ejaculation. The partner resumes sexual stimulation once he is no longer close to ejaculation. With practice, the male can relax and enjoy more stimulation without ejaculating. A step by step method for gaining ejaculatory control (with or without a partner) is simply outlined by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld in the book, "The New Male Sexuality" (Bantam, 1993) and the video "You Can Last Longer: Solutions for Ejaculatory Control" (The Sinclair Institute, 1992). Either resource will be very helpful in overcoming rapid ejaculation.

This is the most common issue presented by women who seek sex therapy. The lack of orgasm can put a strain on any relationship and fortunately there are a number of helpful answers to solving this problem. I recommend the self-help approach as the first step to achieving orgasm. Two resources, "Becoming Orgasmic" by Heiman and LoPiccolo, (Prentice Hall, 1992) and the videotape, "Becoming Orgasmic" (The Sinclair Institute, 1993), guide you through the same regimen that a therapist would use to evaluate your sexual history by putting your current situation in perspective. You'll learn about your body while paying particular attention to the sexual anatomy. Through touch, you'll learn to explore and become comfortable with your body. The program offers suggestions on how to overcome the fear of orgasm, ways to trigger orgasm, methods of exploring through touch including mechanical stimulation (vibrators) and techniques for sharing these new discoveries with a partner. Using these resources at home allow you to progress at your own relaxed pace. While there is no promise that the self-help approach will satisfy everyone, recent research in this area suggests self-help books and videos are excellent resources to help people have a clearer understanding of female sexuality. If you find the self-help approach is not working for you, then it is time to seek out a qualified therapist. In the USA, you can contact the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) at 435 P.O. Box 238, Mount Vernon, IA 52314, (319)-895-8407. They have a directory of certified sex therapists by state and can lead you to find the best professional help in your area.

The statistics on cunnilingus come from research conducted by The Kinsey Institute in 1938-1949 and Morton Hunt in 1972. Dr. Alfred Kinsey, founder of the Kinsey Institute, found that 45 percent of college age males who responded to the survey reported that they had performed cunnilingus. In 1972, Hunt found that 66 percent of the college males he questioned reported experiencing cunnilingus. Consider that when Kinsey did his survey, he based his statistics on persons who said they had "ever" or "on occasion performed cunnilingus." Hunt's percentages represent persons performing cunnilingus "in just the last 12 months." Had Hunt gathered his data in similar manner to Kinsey, his figures would have undoubtedly been higher.

Sexual fantasy is probably the most universal of all sexual behaviors. Your experience of fantasizing during lovemaking is shared by the majority of the sexually active population. A rich fantasy life should be considered a bonus to your sex life. Although it is possible to enjoy your activity by focusing solely on what your partner does to turn you on, the addition of sexual fantasy may enhance your sexual arousal. There is evidence to support that fantasizing adds lubrication (in women) and more erectile power (in men) which leads to orgasm (in both men and women). Fantasies can add a great deal to every person's sex life, and should not become a source of guilt. Remember, fantasies, unlike actions, are your private thoughts and you have the right to maintain this privacy. However, being able to share your fantasies with your partner may give you both ideas for improving your sex life.

Sure it's nice to climax at the same time . . . but to set that as a goal for every sexual experience is unrealistic. It could also become quite boring if it were the only sexual pattern you and your partner ever have. While there's nothing wrong with simultaneous orgasms, remember that there are many sexual options available which can be equally enjoyable. Striving for simultaneous orgasms can require considerable concentration on your partner's sexual feelings, and leaves you less time for your own sexual pleasure. Instead of just letting go and enjoying yourself you might find your lovemaking will become a game, motivated by strategic planning rather than by emotional and sexual desires. By having consecutive orgasms, each partner can focus on his/herself, knowing that the others turn will come. Discovering sexual patterns that satisfy both lovers is most important. Sexual variations should be mutually agreed upon, placing performance standards on sexual behavior can only serve to inhibit and diminish sexual pleasure.

Developed by gynecologist Arnold Kegel, these are exercises designed to strengthen the pubococcygeus muscle, the pelvic area's major sphincter, often called "the love muscle." If you can stop the flow of your urine midstream, you've located it. Man or woman, if one practices contracting this muscle in rhythmic patterns, intercourse can be made more enjoyable by giving each partner more voluntary genital control. For a woman, it can give you the ability to use your vagina to grab and hold your mans penis during love making, allowing for a more intense sensuality. This might make your man think twice about leaving you, no joke. Browse in the Sexuality section of a library or bookstore and check the index of any sexuality textbook you pick up. Many describe the specific exercises.

The power of a kiss cannot be over emphasized. So is the power of kissing her and having her kiss you over the phone. A virtual kiss if you will. By doing this you bind her thoughts of kissing to YOU! What this does is get her used to kissing you, so when you meet together again, it will be natural to just kiss you. After all, you two have been "kissing" the whole time anyway :) Its kind of like flight simulation. You feel so comfortable doing it, its like it already happened.

There are two things that I have found to be most effective.

1. If in the missionary position, put a pillow under her butt in such a way that the pussy arches up. This will give you unbelievable access and allow you to thrust your magic stick still deeper inside her, giving you both the pleasure that comes from love pain.
2. While doing the doggie style, arch her back all the way down, again, to facilitate better access to her sweet spot for the ultimate feel and dept. Some women like to arch their back up as soon as they begin to feel the punisment of your merciless dick. To avoid that, keep your hands on her back and keep the pressure there.

Yes. There are many site like this for women, however I have found that the sites are not as thorough and the advice not as potent, although, you CAN learn alot about the phyche of men and why they act the way they do. There are sites such as www.romantic-lyrics.com and www.000Relationships.com to name a few. The strategies on sites for men such as seducenow.com can also be used by women with a slight modification.